A Walk in the Countryside

Episode 7 A Pet's Peeves




The big black shape lumbers over to where I sit on the side of the house and heaves his big frame down on the ground next to me. His nose is an inch away from my foot, he clears his throat...

JACKSON: I've been watching TV lately Motley and something caught my eye that I wanted to talk to you about.
MOTLEYFOOL: What did you see?
JACKSON: Oh, there was all this talk of a Patient's Bill of Rights to make HMOs behave themselves. What's an HMO anyway?
MOTLEYFOOL: Believe me Jackson, you don't want to know.
JACKSON: Oh, well anyway, they wanted to give people under a doctor's care more control of what happens to them.
MOTLEYFOOL: Yeah, so what's this got to do with you Jackson?
JACKSON: Well... it does seem that humans have all the rights, all the priviledges, all the advantages. How come there isn't something like that for dogs?
MOTLEYFOOL: Why limit yourself to dogs Jackson? Why not expand this idea to include most, if not all, sentient creatures?
JACKSON: Excellent idea Motley!! It could an Animals Bill of Rights or something like that. Hey! I saw on the news this week that Britain has passed such a law, punishing those humans that don't take care of their pets.
MOTLEYFOOL: Man, you watch a lot of TV but it sounds like a great idea, long overdue in my opinion.
JACKSON: Hey, I like to be informed. Yeah, so anybody who mistreats or abuses an animal is faced with hard time and not just a slap on the wrist.
MOTLEYFOOL: Dogs don't have wrists.
JACKSON: But humans do! Hahahaha! You make me laugh Motley!
MOTLEYFOOL: Can I ask you something Jackson? The mistreatment of animals seems to be important to you. Were you ever mistreated?
JACKSON: How do you mean? I wasn't beaten if that's what you mean.
MOTLEYFOOL: But I'll bet you were kicked though, am I right?
JACKSON: How did you know that? I'm amazed that you knew that!
MOTLEYFOOL: I've noticed that when you're laying next to me and I try to stroke you with my foot that you immediately get away from me as far as possible.
JACKSON: Yeah, there was a neighbor kid who kicked me pretty good on a regular basis. I don't know why, he must have had a mean streak or something.
MOTLEYFOOL: I'm sure sorry about that Jackson, humans can be pretty stupid sometimes. I'll make you a deal though, I won't go near you with my foot. How's that?
JACKSON: Thanks Motley. (thumps big bushy tail)
MOTLEYFOOL: I'm prety sure we'll follow Britains lead with this new law Jackson. It's probably not far away now.
JACKSON: Good. While we're on the subject...
MOTLEYFOOL: Yes? You mean there's more?
JACKSON: Well, yeah. I've been meaning to speak to you about the neighbor's dog, Charley.
MOTLEYFOOL: The Jack Russel Terrier? What about him?
JACKSON: He's a complete and utter pain in the ass.
MOTLEYFOOL: Jackson! Watch your mouth!
JACKSON: I'm sorry Motley but he's absolutely insufferable. He's a sneaky little rascal, always sneaking up behind me. I never know what he's up to when he does that. He's evil if you ask me.
MOTLEYFOOL: Yeah, I've noticed that he does seem to make you a little nervous. Have you ever thought that maybe you intimidate him quite a bit? You ARE a very imposing looking beast.
JACKSON: For cryin' out loud, we've lived next door to each other for two years, you'd think he'd get used to the concept that I'm a big dog. Maybe if I growled at him...
MOTLEYFOOL: You'll do no such thing.
JACKSON: I could make him pee so bad if I did that. Look. I don't mind the whole butt sniffing thing, it's something we dogs do when we first meet but when it's over it's over. I don't like his sorry mug making an appearance at my hindquarters after that. It's a bit much if you know what I mean.
MOTLEYFOOL: Yeah, I see what you're getting at.
JACKSON: And he's so damn jumpy. I swear Motley he makes me so nervous.
MOTLEYFOOL: It's not that bad fella, he doesn't come over that much. Is there anything else that's on your mind? Just to clear the air?
JACKSON: Well.....you know that chicken based dog food you have here?
MOTLEYFOOL: Yeah, what about it?
JACKSON: I was hoping for more of the lamb and rice formula....or maybe the turkey. Can we get something different next time Motley? Or else I may have to go back to chasing squirrels again. Hehehehe.
MOTLEYFOOL: Very funny. I'll get you something really good next time fella, don't worry.
JACKSON: Thanks Motley. (thump thump thump)
MOTLEYFOOL: So now that you're a fledgling animal rights activist will you be as vociferous about protecting those squirrels as much as other animals? Hmmmmmmm?
JACKSON: Do we have to protect THEM too? Oh, very well. Hey! Let's give them the rest of my chicken flavored dog food. They'll eat anything! I'll bet they blow chunks!! Hahahaha!!
MOTLEYFOOL: Nice try Jackson, but you'll have to wait for the new stuff.
JACKSON: You're no fun...but I think I'll keep you around.

With that my friend got up and strolled over to the rosebed and looked around his little kingdom. It wasn't such a bad place and his needs were always taken care of so he vowed never to complain again about his situation. It's a dog's life, but life in any form whether it be higher or lower deserves the same shot at fulfillment as ours does. It's just the fair way to do things.

Cowboy Buckaroo

Just 29 miles N.W. of Hollywood and 5 miles north of Chatsworth on Scenic Highway 118 lies a secret. A place that no longer exists as it once did but holds a memory or two for those that have traversed these dusty roads. This is the story of an old movie cowboy named Ray "Crash" Corrigan and the western town he created.

He started out as a trainer for stunt men and actors but was soon offered roles in B movies and it wasn't long after that somebody got the idea that he looked pretty good in a cowboy hat and boots. He made tons of movies and starred in many of them but it was the cowboy roles for which he would be remembered. When cowboy movies went big budget one of the actors he worked with was catapulted to even greater stardom. That actor was John Wayne. As a side note, when his career was winding down he played the monster in "It, The Terror From Beyond Space"which scared the bejabbers out of me when I was little. That film was the ancestor of the sci-fi shocker "Alien". But I digress.

He was called "Crash" because he was known to frequently fall off of his horse. His good nature allowed him to laugh at himself and he was only too happy to use the moniker. He saw some property in Simi Valley that was just so beautiful he had to have it. He built a western town on it and the rest is history. The town was known as Corriganville and became "One of the most interesting places in America to visit." It was used for countless movie westerns and was one of the most photographed movie ranches in history. In 1965 I visited Corriganville, not having the slightest idea of what niche it occupied in the annals of Hollywood history. All I knew is that Mom and Pop were taking a drive to a place where they had cowboys. And did they ever.



The ranch was much like a modern day theme park with skits where the bad guys would ride into town and start trouble only to be thwarted by the good guys, white hats and all. The shootouts were great and the Indians would side with the white hats to finish off the rustlers and restore order. I guess they felt they owed the Indians something after they'd swindled them out of all their land and possesions so allowing them to play the good guy seemed a fair reward. Every hour on the hour a new show would start up with the same plot and the same result...the good guys always won. That's the way it is in real life, right? Right?

We poked about the old town and took pictures...me and Pop standing on Main Street, my parents posing beside "Boot Hill", a cemetary complete with tombstones. It was on the dusty Main Street where Mom saw him first, "Oh my God! It's Crash Corrigan!" she cried. I didn't know who he was but this place bore his name so he must be important. She pointed to a man who sure looked like a cowboy and we excitedly quick-marched over to him. My parents encouraged me to ask him for his autograph which I promptly did. He smiled and said that he had to wait until he had lunch. OK. So I followed him to the cafe down the dusty street and he pulled up a chair at one of the tables and ordered what I thought was spaghetti. One of his employees, a cowboy from one of the street shows, came over to chat with him and they sat there for the better part of 45 minutes. I stood about 20 feet away and watched and waited for Crash.



He finished his meal and made good on his promise. He gave me his autograph and put me up on a horse where I pulled a six shooter on one of his cowboys. He then posed with me in some photos. Perfect. The cowboy and the little dork. His movie making days were behind him by a good 20 years but he was still good to his fans. I didn't know it but I became a Crash Corrigan fan right then. I had met a real movie cowboy, an oxymoron if there ever was one. But all I remembered is how good Crash was to me to this day, a nice man who became a big part of Hollywood history.

Corriganville would soon be a thing of the past. The property was bought by Bob Hope and soon Highway 118 would be built, bisecting the property. Later on it would be restarted in a different guise, as a kind of park for hikers and campers. The old movie town of Hollywood lore was just a memory now. A faded black and white photo yellowing with age but containing the animas of cowboys past. Yippee Kay-aye.

The Backyard Naturalist

I have been pleasantly surprised by the change in flora and fauna since I've moved back east. The environment is leafy and green compared to the dust and scrub brush of the Central Coast in California. I really enjoy the change of seasons and the corresponding creatures that those changes bring.
I had been mowing the lawn on a warm September Sunday when I noticed a quick flailing object in front of the mower, desperately trying to escape. I stopped the mower and stooped down for a closer inspection and saw a big brown praying mantis crawling up the side of a stripling, frantically trying to escape the gaping maw of my handy dandy Snapper self propelled lawn mower.



It's known as the Carolina Mantis which is also very prevalent in Ohio. They're different from the bright green mantises (California Mantis) that I was used to seeing in documentaries, but no less impressive. This Carolina Mantis was huge, about six inches long and had what looked like bony brown plates covering it's body. A formidable predator indeed. What is interesting to me about mantises is the high regard they're held in by most humans. Most people I know can't stand bugs. In most cases they're vermin that need to be exterminated. But when confronted with a big mantis people will look at it in awe, in a very respectful way. I've always wondered why that reaction is produced. Maybe it's because it's so powerful in it's own way. It reminds me of the insectoid creature in the Alien films, a killing machine that could not be stopped. I like their intricacy, their ferocious nature and their almost single-minded approach to killing, eating and mating. I ran into the same species of mantis two more times. Once while Grimace was over, he discovered it on the fushia tree in my backyard. The other was while opening the garage door, this one just wanted to get out of my way as I pulled the car into the garage.

On another day I'm working on the front porch in the bright morning sunlight. I'm working on re-assembling the railings of the porch, they still need sanding and painting. I look away to the street and then back quickly and I see that a large dragonfly has settled onto the side of the porch. It is reddish in color with translucent lacey wings.



This particular species is known as they Easterm Amberwing also prevalent here in Ohio. This one had a wingspan of about three inches. In comparison, dragonflies during the time of the dinosaurs 100 million years ago had wingspans of up to two feet across. A formidable insect! Dragonflies have always fascinated me.

Finally, the squirrels. I'm in a little bit of a hurry as I walk to the garage through the backyard. I notice a squirrel frolicking by the garage door and the little guy tries to climb the doorjamb of the access door to the garage. However, the jamb is smooth and he can only get halfway up, about door knob level, before he can't climb any higher. He's stuck and completely at my mercy. But I'm standing a good six feet away, waiting for him to come down and scamper away so I can get into the garage. He clings tenaciously to the door jamb, looking at me intently. I need to get going so I thought I'd shoo him away by taking a step closer. He didn't back down like I thought. Instead the little bastard GROWLED AT ME. Let me repeat...the goddam squirrel GROWLED AT ME! Great. I'm being held hostage by a vicious squirrel. That always looks great on your resume. I had this horrible fantasy of him jumping onto my crotch and sinking his rodent incisors into my waiting testicles as I screamed in pain like a little girl. If you've seen those Capitol One commercials where "Chubsie" is being chased by that big dude then you know what I mean. I'd be jumping frantically around the backyard as my neighbors called 911 and wondered what horrible creature could be causing me such pain. In reality the squirrel and I had a Mexican stand-off for about five minutes. He clambered down and finally scampered away, his fluffy tail flouncing about like most squirrels do. I let out a sigh of relief as our long national nightmare was over. Bless the beasts.