Dogs, Heaven, and the loss of my faith

First, a charming story that now and then makes the rounds on the web... A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there" The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind." I love that story. It doesn't have anything to do with God or Heaven, it has more to do with love and devotion. Someone who will never leave their best friend behind even though that best friend might be a dog. You see, I have a soft spot for dogs. If someone is walking theirs down the street it won't be long until I'm on the ground playing with him/her. I know, it's embarrassing but that's me. Maybe it has something to do with the complete trust they place in us, the look they give you when you ask them to do something. You see it in their eyes, the adoring look that says "This is weird and I'm scared, but I have faith in you." They are helpless and have no choice except to put their trust in us, their "masters". I'm a six year old kid in the fall of 1961 and the Catholic school I attend isn't much different than any other. St. Judes is in a suburb of southwest Philadelphia and the streets and the buildings all look the same to my six year old eyes. Every day the yellow school bus would take us to the massive two story brick building where we'd line up single file into the building. A long line of identically dressed boys in salt and pepper corduroy trousers and maroon sport coats. The girls wore similar uniforms with the standard issue plaid skirt. Once there we were in the clutches of the mildly sadistic Sister George Marie, a harsh disciplinarian who didn't tolerate any deviance from her agenda. I still can remember the terror as she would walk up and down the aisles, her beads making that clicking sound and her black veil brushing against the skin of your hand as she passed. Once past you could feel your heart rate go back to normal as a wave of relief washed over you. Don't forget, it was the early 1960's and corporal punishment was still being used with relish by the clergy. To escape that fate every day was a major victory and once back in the school bus you could let your guard down and return to being a kid again. One day we were talking about dogs we'd owned, various members of the class chipping in their stories about the family dog. We didn't have a dog and I desperately wanted to get in on the discussion. So, remembering a faded black and white photo of my mother sitting on the front porch with a dog ten years ago I blurted out "We had a dog once, but she died and went to heaven". The class went silent for a moment but to me it felt like eons. Sister George Marie walked up to my desk and with the smug knowledge of someone with a direct pipeline to the Almighty, told me that only people can go to Heaven, not dogs. She then laughed as if this certainty was something observed by scientists in a lab somewhere. Of course! Only the Lords and Masters of the Universe could invent a humans-only club for themselves. As the Church Lady would say "How conveeeeeenient!" I felt the class tittering behind me as young boys and girls furiously got on the "I knew that already" bandwagon in a desperate attempt to curry favor with our teacher. But luckily for me there was no corporal punishment for me today, I had escaped with mere ridicule. I breathed a sigh of relief that I had once again navigated my way through treacherous waters to emerge unscathed from the school/dungeon to tell the tale. On the bus ride home I could hear a few of the students behind me laughing at my folly and felt their eyes burning into the back of my head. One reached up and poked me from behind declaring "Dogs don't go to heaven, stupid!" The ensuing laughter rang in my ears as I feared that my gaffe would be reported to my parents. Would this day ever end? This memory of my youth came flooding back to me as I re-read the story about the man and his dog trying to get to heaven. I had buried it long ago but was surprised at the amount of detail I could remember if just given a slight push. After some thought I realized that this event was probably the one that sowed the seeds of my disbelief. The very beginnings of being an unbeliever. Fifteen years later I would dispense with God, Heaven, the Church and monotheism altogether. The seeds had been planted and there was no stopping my spiritual growth away from this sick, medieval and twisted world view. Dear god, Hope you got the letter, And I pray you can make it better down here. I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer, But all the people that you made in your image, See them starving on their feet, cause they dont get enough to eat From god, I cant believe in you. Dear god, Sorry to disturb you, But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear. We all need a big reduction in amount of tears, And all the people that you made in your image, See them fighting in the street, cause they cant make opinions meet, About god, I cant believe in you. Did you make disease, and the diamond blue? Did you make mankind after we made you? And the devil too! Dear god, Dont know if you noticed, But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book. Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look, And all the people that you made in your image, Still believing that junk is true. Well I know it aint and so do you, Dear god, I cant believe in, I dont believe in, I wont believe in heaven and hell. No saints, no sinners, No devil as well. No pearly gates, no thorny crown. You're always letting us humans down. The wars you bring, the babes you drown. Those lost at sea and never found, And its the same the whole world round. The hurt I see helps to compound, That the father, son and holy ghost, Is just somebodys unholy hoax, And if youre up there you'll perceive, That my hearts here upon my sleeve. If theres one thing I dont believe in... Its you, Dear god. XTC P.S. And remember my friends, dog is "god" spelled backwards.