I need an Alfa Romeo

I really do. I need the throaty sound of it's Italian exhaust reverberating in my ears. Never mind that my old Alfa GT leaked exhaust gases into my trunk which made the sleeping bag inside completely unusable. Never mind that I already have a wonderful 1967 Jaguar E-type in my garage. Never mind that I don't have space for it and never mind that if I tried to park it on the street in my neighborhood it would be stripped faster than co-eds on spring break at Mardi Gras. No, I want another Alfa not to revisit my youth once again but to see if it can reclaim my innocence, my coolness, my feeling of immortality. Yes, if I acquire this beast I will be complete and the circle will be closed.

You see, this was brought on by a dream I had the other night. I'm an actor, or at least I used to be an actor. I was late for an audition. For what I just don't know but I was late. I was feeling the usual actor's nerves and I distinctly remember where I was...I was on Oxnard Boulevard in Oxnard, California and I can't for the life of me figure out why my genius brain would take me to this hell pit. But it did, so c'est la vie. Now, this part of Oxnard Boulevard was a kind of auto row where scores of dealerships hawked their wares. I remember my father buying Pontiacs there in the mid-1960's when we'd trade up. Anyway, back to the dream. I was walking to the audition and I was in a hurry. I passed through the lot of a car dealership and there they were. Beautiful, brand spanking new Alfas all lined up in neat rows. Now I had no idea why I thought they were new cars. Alfa Romeo stopped selling new cars in America years ago because they couldn't pass the tightening emissions regulations. I hear that they might be back with new models for U.S. export as early as next year though.

OK, I've digressed once again. THE DREAM. I was walking through this parking lot of Alfas but they were bizarre looking because I hadn't seen a new Alfa in twenty years and my mind's eye was constructing what it thought a new Alfa Romeo would look like. The headlights were too big but they were unmistakably Alfas and I smiled as I gazed upon them. Almost immediately I had arrived at my destination for my audition and the Alfas were gone. But the funny thing is, I could have cared less about the audition. All I wanted to do was go back to those wonderful Italian sports cars and drool over them. Which Alfa I would like to own is a puzzler as I like them all. Wait, almost all as I never did care for the sedan. The GT and the Spyder were gorgeous but the sedan never really grabbed me. Probably because it just wasn't horny, er, muscular and curvy enough. Yeah, give me the Spyder or the GT and I'll be happy. I know. It's a guy thing.