Memories of a beauty queen

At the pep rally a cheerleader from a rival high school smiles and winks at me. I wave back not knowing what else to do. She is perfection. I went home that night and thought of nothing else. That brief moment stayed with me all through the week. Eventually I forgot about the mystery girl.

I am a sophomore in high school in the fall of 1970. My prospects are good. I'm a decent lyric baritone and can handle most of the classical solos that are thrown my way by my music teacher. A few good roles in straight theater would come as well but my drama teacher was insistent that I take part in Finian's Rainbow which would be put on by the community theatre in nearby Bath, Maine. That was where I met Ellen.

She was playing the lead role and was well up to the task. Her soprano was angelic and I knew that I was whipped right then and there. A willowy figure adorned by brown eyes and long cascading brunette hair that seemed to always be blown by distant breezes. One of my mentor figures was Sam who played the Leprechaun and also directed the musical. Sam became very much a father figure to me and we developed a great friendship. The production would go on to become a huge success and during all this Sam somehow noticed how smitten I was with Ellen. I wouldn't know this until much later however.

With the production finished I could concentrate full time on my upcoming role as Snoopy in my high school production of You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown. I had no idea how popular the show would be. My sixteen year old mind was just transfixed with this role and I played it to the hilt. During rehearsal I even contracted the services of my friend Sam to help me with the dance choreography. We worked on the number at his home in Bath all afternoon until he and I were satisfied. I went back to Ron, the director, to show him what we'd come up with and he was delighted to say the least. So on opening night we knocked 'em dead. I mean, we really slayed them and after the standing ovation we all took an extra company bow. It was then that I saw Sam cheering in the third row and pointing excitedly to his companion in the seat next to him. It was Ellen, my dream girl, sitting there in her lovely gown and shawl. Her smile only drew attention to those gorgeous lips that I always fantasized about.

I drove her home that night. I had to drive all the way to Bath to do it but I jumped at the chance when Sam made the offer. Such a schemer, always thinking of me was Sam. We arrived at her home and I parked my car where we would have to walk the remainder of the way. She opened the big steel gate and we navigated the two hundred yards of muddy terrain. Once there I was ushered inside and I met her mother and father. This was nerve-wracking for me as I wanted to make a good impression. The rest of the visit was a blur for me. The goodbyes and the drive home I barely remember. From there it was always the same...I'd go see her in whatever show she was in and she'd do the same for me. One time I went backstage as she was in the make-up room and tried to take her picture while she was less than presentable. My only photo of her shows her screaming in futility as she tries to escape my camera's lens.

We lost track of each other when I moved away from New England. I believe she went to school in Oklahoma where she would eventually become a beauty queen, winning the title of Miss Oklahoma in 1977. Imagine the possibilities of using that as a springboard into the entertainment business. I'm sure that thought crossed her mind more than once.

It wasn't until December of 1979 that she met her real fate when she traveled to Vienna for a vacation. The hotel caught fire and the rest is mind-numbingly tragic. The fumes from the smoke were toxic due to the burning plastics in the rooms. To escape she fled to the ledge outside her third floor room armed only with a pillow. The onlookers screamed up at the frightened girl to wait until help arrived. But she could wait no more. In a panic she wrapped the pillow around her head and jumped into fate's waiting arms. Into the miasma of nothingness.

Ellen died on that December day in Vienna. Onlookers said that if she'd waited just a couple minutes longer help would have arrived and she would have been rescued. If only. I'll never quite get over her smile or her laugh. Or her wink. Her wink will always stay with me.