A Walk in the Countryside (from 2002)

Episode 8 The Birds and the Bees


Another cool and peaceful morning here in the Central Coast and I'm once again being domestic. The carport needs attention and my big friend is always there to help...

JACKSON
What are you doing Motley?

MOTLEYFOOL
Oh, just scraping off the mud from this beam above the car.

JACKSON
Oh OK, I saw the mud swallows there earlier and thought they might be up to something.

MOTLEYFOOL
Well, I've got to nip this in the bud and stop them before they build a complete nest there. We can't have an entire family of mud swallows pooping all over the E-type can we?

JACKSON
Absolutely not! That's your baby, well, next to me right?

MOTLEYFOOL
Correctamundo my big black friend. Don't get me wrong though, I wouldn't disturb a nest that was finished and had eggs in it and all. I'm just stopping them from building here by not letting them get started in the first place.

JACKSON
I guess they're just doing what everyone else is doing...breeding.

MOTLEYFOOL
Yup, the genes do take over eventually. Happens with us humans a lot too.

JACKSON
I've noticed. Six billion of you and climbing, where does it end?

MOTLEYFOOL
Oh man, don't get me started on that. Didn't we go over this last week a little? Man and his "Manifest Destiny" to breed or pretty much do anything he wants?

JACKSON
A little. Sounds awful really.

MOTLEYFOOL
Yeah, let's save that for another time.

JACKSON
What about you Motley? Don't you want to have puppies or at least mate with someone?

MOTLEYFOOL
Well Jackson, we call it having a family and finding a life partner.

JACKSON
‘Tis all the same. You humans have such a collection of euphemisms.

MOTLEYFOOL
I guess so. To answer your question, yes, I wouldn't be averse to finding a nice woman.

JACKSON
Great! What would she be like Motley?

MOTLEYFOOL
Oh, I don't know exactly Jackson. There are a number of qualities that I find desirable. Loving personality, treats me nicely and hopefully pleasant to look at. Of course, if my looks didn't make her physically ill then that would be so much the better.

JACKSON
Why not the gal next door? I think she really likes you. And she's gorgeous. Motley, don't you notice these things?

MOTLEYFOOL
Yes Jackson, I do. And yes, she's very attractive but will you kindly allow me to pick and choose as I please? Besides, I think you have an ulterior motive. You've got the hots for her greyhound don't you?

JACKSON
Harumphh. Guilty as charged. Man, she's a fox.

MOTLEYFOOL
Ha! I knew it! I have to admit though, the two of you look great together. She's so sleek and sexy, you're so black and hunky.

JACKSON
Well thanks. So? Why don't you marry her Motley? You get the girl next door, I get the bitch next door and the two of us can boot Charley's (that pesky Jack Russell Terrier) butt out the door.

MOTLEYFOOL
No no no Jackson, we couldn't do that!!

JACKSON
Why not? You'd be Lord and Master of the estate. You could do as you please.

MOTLEYFOOL
I'm afraid it wouldn't work that way Jackson. You'd have to put up with Charley, kind of like the stupid brother in law that comes over for the holidays.

JACKSON
Oh man, are you serious? A live in pest like that? I'd go nuts Motley.

MOTLEYFOOL
Seems as if there's always a price to be paid for doing something pleasurable, huh Jackson?

JACKSON
Seems so, but I've never had the pleasure...if you know what I mean. You know, sex.

MOTLEYFOOL
Jackson! I'm astonished, you mean never?

JACKSON
Well, look at me Motley. I ain't got no nuts. Pardon my language.

MOTLEYFOOL
Oh yeah, I'm sorry about that Jackson.

JACKSON
Nothing for you to be sorry about Motley, you didn't do it.

MOTLEYFOOL
Still, I'm sorry that you won't be able to take part in one of life's great joys.

JACKSON
Well you'll just have to tell me all the juicy details of all your conquests. I'll just live vicariously through you, OK?

MOTLEYFOOL
Ummmmm, that's alright I guess Jackson. But you promise not to tell anyone about these intimate details?

JACKSON
Hahahahaha! And who would I tell Motley? Dogs don't talk!

MOTLEYFOOL
Oh yeah, forgot about that.